The Espada go to LA!
by ChibiUlquiorra
Summary: Aizen, deciding that Ulquiorra needs to get a life, sends him to Los Angeles with Orihime. Unfortunately, Grimmjow and Nnoitora are sent too! And since Syzael made Luppi an actual female, he gets sent too! Now: Rain Check in CA after Disneyland
1. Aizen's Evil Plan Initiates

A/N: My second UlquiXHime Fanfic, after I got my first review ever (YAY ME!) I decided to give it another try.

Why do you want me?

The 4th espada walked into Inoue Orihime's room, or as she called it, her prison. Ulquiorra layed her food tray on the ground and Inoue looked at him with eyes filled with despair. _What a pathetic piece of trash_, thought Ulquiorra as he looked at the orange haired woman, _what possible use could she be to Aizen-sama_? Orihime looked up at Ulquiorra, and whispered something that Ulquiorra couldn't believe. "Why does Aizen want me so badly?" Then Ulquiorra slapped her face. Hard. As Inoue cried, Ulquiorra replied, "**Never** **question the will of Aizen-sama.**" As he left Ulquiorra thought began to wonder that exact same question.

After this meal, Ulquiorra walked to Aizen's throne room, and saw that the ominus overlord of the arrancar wasn't there. Ulquiorra walked out, and ran into no other than Aizen's right hand man, Ichimaru Gin. Gin, keeping his academy award winning fox-like smile, asked Ulquiorra, "Whatcha doin'?" Ulquiorra replied emotionlessly, "Looking for Aizen-sama." As he tried to walk past Gin, Gin cut in front of Ulquiorra again, and asked "Why?" Ulquiorra, who wanted to find Aizen as soon as he could said, "To ask him a question." Gin, ever the persistent one, asked "What?" Ulquiorra, whose patience was running thin, said "Why we keep that weak piece of trash." Gin, who knew Aizen's plans for the woman, smirked. Ulquiorra walked away, headed towards his room.

Meanwhile, Inoue, still crying, asked herself, "Why? Why is it me that's trapped here?" Then, suddenly, Aizen Sosuke barged into her room, and she heard two arrancar, Loly and Menoly, walk by shouting "Aizen-sama! Don't you want us Aizen-sama!" Aizen, who didn't want to know what happened when arrancar and shinigami breed, hushed Orihime when she was about to ask why he was here. Eventually, Loly and Menoly left, and Aizen, who had mysteriously obtained two teacups and a pot of tea in a moment, asked the white-dressed prisoner, "Would you like some tea? I hope you are having a pleasant stay here in Las Noches." Orihime nodded, obviously frightened of Aizen.

Meanwhile, with Ulquiorra, "I told you Yammi! This is my room!" Grimmjow, who seemed seriously pissed at losing to Ichigo, shouted. Yammi yelled back, "It's mine! I called dibs." Ulquiorra sighed as he walked into his room, picked up a book which looked unmistakenly like Grimmjow's diary.

In real world:

Grimmjow: MEN DON'T HAVE DIARIES!! FIX THAT, NOW!!  
Me: DON'T KILL ME!!

Back to story:  
Ulquiorra picked up a book which looked unmistakenly like Grimmjow's diar-, I mean JOURNAL. (Don't want me to die now, do we?) He started reading the most current entry and immediately regretted it. "YAOI!!" Ulquiorra's scream of disgust and surprise could be heard all throughout Las Noches. Ulquiorra then threw the book out the door and slammed the door shut. Grimmjow picked it up saying, "My artwork isn't that bad now, is it Ulquiorra?" Nnoitora looked at the picture as he was walking by and got a nosebleed, and Grimmjow looked at him as Nnoitora ran away.

Meanwhile, with Szayel and Luppi:  
"I love wearing these schoolgirl outfits, don't you Szayel!" said Luppi estatically.

"…Whatever." Syzael said, his outfit was a little too small.

Suddenly, Syzael shot Luppi with a dart, and Luppi fell unconscious. Syzael smirked as he watched Luppi change. Luppi grew breasts that rivaled Rangiku Matsumoto's. Then, Syzael looked up the fainted Luppi's skirt to reveal, "Success!" Syzael shouted as he dragged Luppi to his laboratory.

With Aizen & Orihime:  
"Orihime, the espada, Gin, Tosen and I believe that Ulquiorra really needs to get a life, so, would you mind letting Ulquiorra live with you in that suite for a while?" Aizen asked. Orihime said craftily, "Only if you put a t.v., a wii, an x-box 360, and ps3, with games, and Twister in that room." "Deal." Aizen replied. The two shook on it, and Aizen snuck out of the room, while holding a pair of handcuffs, an dart rifle, a group of five plane tickets, and a Burger King Whopper.

A/N: O.K. So, Aizen drinks tea with Orihime, Ulquiorra has prejudice against Yaoi lovers, Grimmjow thinks his art sucks,

**Grimmjow throws out his rendition of the Mona Lisa, which looks surprisingly similar to Rukia**

… Well, Grimmjow also loses his room, Loly and Menoly are doing God Knows what, Aizen is a perv with a BDSM fetish, Syzael made Luppi into a girl, Nnoitora has a nosebleed, and Ulquiorra apparently needs a life. But why does Aizen has five plane tickets? That's for me to know and you to find out. Please leave a review, or I'll cry. And then I'll tell Grimmjow to hunt you down. Byez!


	2. Hunting down the Espada! Plus Flashbacks

A/N: I got a few reviews asking me to continue, so I decided that I would keep going on this story.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach… yet.

Chapter 2: Hunting down the Espada! Plus Flashbacks!

The "Father" of the Espada began to sense for the reiatsu of Grimmjow and Nnoitora. He felt the arrancar, and began walking towards them.

:Flashback:

Nnoitora and Grimmjow were fighting again, but this time, they had done the unforgivable. They had trashed the high and mighty Aizen-sama's room. Aizen found out about it ten minutes after it had happened. He found a note with a picture of Nnoitora (drawn very crapily) and a picture of Grimmjow (Which Aizen thought he would later donate to the Louvre). It had a smiley face on it saying they were sorry. So, with thoughts of rage going through his head, he began to plot his evil vengence.

:End Flashback:

As Aizen was walking, he passed Syzael's room and hear the scream of a… woman? _But Syzael is gay!!_ Aizen thought as he marched right in and saw… "Luppi?!" Aizen shouted, horrified at the presence of the fully-disrobed former sixth Espada, with Syzael exploring her/him/it. "It's not what it looks like Aizen-sama!" Syzael shouted out in a desperate attempt to save his own life. Aizen commanded the pink-hair, "Turn Luppi back!" Syzael replied hesitantly, "Uh… I don't know how yet." Aizen, who was now enraged, pulled out the handcuffs, slapped them on Syzael, and knocked the pink-hair out. Then, the evil leader of the Espada left, forgetting all about poor, traumatized Luppi. "…Aizen-sama?"

:With Ulquiorra and Orihime:

Ulquiorra laid down Inoue's tray of food. The normally quite shy Orihime asked the albino Espada innocently, "Ulquiorra-san?" The slightly annoyed Espada replied coldly, "What?" "Well, have you ever smiled?" The white arrancar glared at the woman with a WTF?! look. "NO." Ulquiorra said. "Really? Why not?" Orihime said, seemingly slighty intrigued. _Remember what Aizen said, I've just got to distract Whitey/Ulquiorra a little longer,_ Inoue thought.

:Flashback:

"I trust that your stay in Las Noches has been enjoyable?" Aizen asked Orihime, wearing his Oscar-winning fatherly, slightly sick smile. "Well, no. No I'm not! I want to go home to my friends. I wanna, I wanna!" Orihime said, obviously stir-crazy and home sick. "Well, have you ever been to Los Angeles?" Aizen asked. "No." Orihime began to suspect that something was going on. "Well, to make sure that my Espada don't kill anyone while they're down there, I'm going to send you, Ulquiorra, Grimmjow, Nnoitora, and one last person who gets on my nerves today." Aizen chuckled. "However, to make Ulquiorra go, you'll have to stall him for a while, in the mean time, I'll be loading my dartgun." Aizen said mischieviously. Orihime sweatdropped, but agreed nonetheless.

:End Flashback:  
"Because, smiling is a human emotion. In case you have not noticed, I am neither human, nor do I want to be human," Ulquiorra replied, "Now eat your food." Orihime, while eating what Ulquiorra gave her, asked him, "Do hollows eat this kind of food too?" Ulquiorra sighed. _Well, at least this annoying girl and situation can't get any-_ Ulquiorra was cut off mid thought, as a sharp needle jabbed into his arse. The liquid from the dart that was attached to the needle began to inject itself into him. Ulquiorra muttered angrily, or, at least as angrily as Ulquiorra can get, "Dammit…" before passing out. Aizen snuck in, picked up Orihime and Ulquiorra, and walked out of the room. Then he jumped onto an elephant like hollow and dropped the two. Aizen then took a safari hat out of nowhere and put it on shouting "Let the hunt begin!" inside the carriage on top of the elephant, where Orihime, Ulquiorra, and Aizen were, Gin, who was carrying Aizen's hunting equiptment snickering "I drugged Aizen's tea. I drugged Aizen's tea," and Tosen, who was given a map, and was pawing at is strangely, both in full safari hunt gear. Gin, who was listening to an iPod, began to sing quietly, "We are goin on a safari, see the lion from mah ferrari…" while the elephant rounded a corner. "Gin, hand me my dart pistols." Gin complied with Aizen's request. Aizen them jumped off of the elephant, and put him B.K. Whopper on the ground. He jumped back on the elephant and they all waited patiently. (Except for Tosen, who kept asking "Are they there yet? How about now? Now?)

:With Nnoitora:

Nnoitora had just finished baking a pink icinged chocolate cake that had the words, "Sorry Aizen-sama" on the top of it (Nnoitora's secret hobby, heheheh). Then, suddenly, an alluring aroma filled the air. He ran out of the kitchen and shouted out for all of Las Noches to hear. "WHO ORDERED BURGER KING?!"

:With Grimmjow:

Grimmjow was painting another one of his "Mona Lisas" (This one looked surprisingly like Rangiku) when he heard someone shout out, "WHO ORDERED BURGER KING?!" Grimmjow dropped his paintbrush, released his zanpakto, and ran on all fours toward the smell of meat and grease.

:With Aizen:

Aizen, taking his dart pistols, homed in on the approaching Espadas' reiatsu, and fired before he even saw them. The darts hit their marks. Once the two Espada hit the ground, Aizen called Yammi. "Hai, Aizen-sama?" Yammi asked. "Help me shove these guys into their gigai." Aizen commanded toward the large, brutish arrancar. "Where do I shove them into it?" Yammi asked. "…" Aizen didn't reply.

A/N: Sorry, I had to write this during school, so it's kind of rushed. Next chaper: Espada at the Airport! Appearance of a new face!

(In the other room)  
Grimmjow: Hold still dammit! ChibiUlq. said for me to draw you, and he OWNS you.

Mystery Voice: I'm trying alright! This pose hurts every fiber of my being!  
Grimmjow: URUSAI! JUST STAND STILL ALREADY, OR LET ME KILL YOU!!

Me: O.K. So, that was… anticlimactic. Oh well. Leave reviews, or Aizen will shoot you with a Dartgun (Aizen grins evilly in the background).


	3. Espada Before take off! And on the Plane

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update. I kinda had writers block.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach… If I did, Ulquiorra would have his own theme song, Senna would still be alive, and Gin would have eyes.

Espada Before Take Off!!

Gin, smiling with his eyes closed while wearing his gigai, ended up driving Inoue, Ulquiorra, Grimmjow, Syzael, and Nnoitora to an airport in the middle of nowhere. The group all had their gigai on, and had packed their bags. However, the espada had small problems with their gigai. Nnoitora's was about a foot shorter than he was, it had green eyes, and white hair. Syzael, outraged by his little problem, kept scratching at his chest. In return for turning Luppi into a girl, Aizen had made Syzael's gigai a woman's body. Grimmjow was slightly upset that his muscles weren't as large, he didn't have his sharp teeth anymore, but, worst of all, his hair was black. Finally, the one who had the biggest problem with his gigai, but didn't mention it, was Ulquiorra. Ulquiorra's was a bit too tight. Not on his chest, not on his head, not on his feet, not on his legs, not on his arms either, but at his groin. When Ulquiorra mentioned this to Aizen, Aizen almost jawdropped, but managed to keep his composure. To make sure it wasn't too tight, Aizen had made it one foot long. But to Ulquiorra, it was too tight. Inoue was the only one with a perfectly working gigai. Gin, still not watching where he went, ended up parking on top of an innocent bystanders truck with his small ferrari. Meanwhile, bystanders wondered how the creepy eyed man had just defied the laws of physics. Before opening gagaranta, Gin handed them each one copy of their identity. With that, Gin scared the crap out of the humans around them with the giant menos arms pulled him inside the gagaranta.

With that, the odd group walked into the airport. As soon as they got through the security line, Orihime said, "I'm hungry, let's get some food." As all the other Espada agreed that they were hungry, and since the gigai actually needed human food to produce the energy that the arrancar lived off of, they agreed. Ulquiorra took out a wallet, and handed some money to a man serving Burger King, and gave each person a piece of food. As they walked to their gate, each person read over their assigned roles:  
_**I. Nnoitora:  
**__Name: Nicholas Polyar_

_Occupation: High School Basketball Coach  
Relationship: Father of Ivana_

_Reason to travel: To protect his 'daughter'_

_Age: 53_

_**II. Grimmjow:**_

_Name: Garry Polyar  
Occupation: Boxer_

_Relationship: Brother of Ivana/Son of Nnoitora_

_Reason to travel: Help his 'father'/Protect his 'sister'_

_Age: 24_

_**III. Syzael:**__  
Name: Samantha Ryans_

_Occupation: College Student_

_Relationship: Orihime's best friend_

_Reasont to Travel: Do schoolwork with Inoe_

_Age: 18_

_**IV. Inoue:**_

_Name: Ivana Polyar_

_Occupation: College Student_

_Relationship: Girlfriend of Lios U. Kiora_

_Reason to travel: Visit Los Angeles for first time in life_

_Age: 18_

_**V. Ulquiorra:**_

_Name: Lios U. Kiora_

_Occupation: College Student_

_Relationship: Boyfriend of Ivana Polyar_

_Reason to Travel: Spend some time with Ivana_

_Age: 21_

After they learned read these lines, they continued to read the papers, to learn of their backgrounds and personalities. After they finished, they read each other's cards.

Eventually, it was time to load onto the plane. Ivana, Nicholas, Garry, Samantha, and Lios all flew first class. Inoue, trying to give the impression that they were an actually couple, sat next to Ulquiorra, while Syzael, ever the actor, sat next to Inoue, acting as her friend. Grimmjow and Nnoitora sat behind them. Nnoitora had the window seat, and Grimmjow got to sit next to a hot lady. The woman, sensing the arrancar's lust, hit him in the face, without even looking at him. She sat across to her younger brother, Thomas. Thomas was a white haired boy, short in stature, with green eyes, while his sister, Michelle, was taller, had an ample bosom, blue eyes, and had orange hair. Grimmjow, ever the idiot, pulled out his last "Mona Lisa" rendition. He looked at it, then her, then it then her. Grimmjow fainted, thinking one of his paintings came to life. Ulquiorra, was read a book called "Grimmjow's Diar- I mean Journal." Whew. Almost forgot about that. Oh, well, since he's passed out, he can't hear me. Ulquiorra was reading a book called "Grimmjow's Diary". Nnoitora, ever vigilant, was reading his cookbook chapter called erotic cakes, while Syzael was listening to a device called an iPod. Inuoe, tired from the mad tea party Aizen had thrown before they left, leaned her head on Ulquiorra's shoulder and fell asleep. Ulquiorra noticed, but let her stay there. He didn't mind. In fact, to Ulquiorra, it actually felt good.

A/N: Sorry if this chapter didn't have the funiness from before. I wanted to make sure everyone's roles were clearly stated. And no, Thomas is not Toushiro, and Michelle is not Matsumoto, they are my characters.


	4. Espada at the Airport

A/N: Sorry it took about a week or something to update. I've been reading a lot of fanfics lately.

Disclaimer: I don't own bleach. If I did, I'd be rich…

Espada at the Airport

After the Espada, Inoue, Michelle, and Thomas had gotten off of the plane, Garry/Grimmjow realized how hungry he was. He voiced his thoughts in the most intelligent way he knew how. Drooling at the mouth, and stomach growling, he complained to the, unfortunately, most mature arrancar in gigai, "I'm Hungry." Nicholas/Nnoitora said the same thing once Grimmjow finished.

"You should have eaten before we left." Syzael mentioned as he remembered the arrancar he had eaten before they left.

"Fine." Ulquiorra was getting annoyed, though his face showed no emotion. The albino Espada had not attempted to kill the two in over two weeks. He did not want to lose now after he had reached a new record. He reached into his pocket, and felt around for his wallet. "What the-" Ulquiorra felt around for the wallet, but couldn't find it. He noticed a boy with long, straight white hair, who was waving Ulquiorra's wallet. Ulquiorra charged at the boy at full speed. He tackeled the younger child, and attempted to take the wallet from him. Thomas grinned, amused that something fun was finally happening since the pair had left. Ulquiorra reached and barely missed. Thomas, realizing that eventually the albino would obtain the wallet, attacked in the strongest way he knew how. The small white haired child kicked his groin as an attempt to get to keep the wallet. Ulquiorra fell to the ground in pain. "Damn you kid!" Ulquiorra swore angrilly, the pain evident in his face.

"Eh, Screw You!" Thomas said in a british accent. Then, unbeknowst to our rebellious white haired child, Michelle came up behind him, snatched the wallet, and gave it back to Ulquiorra.

"Sorry about that. Thomas here gets a little caught-up in his pranks." Michelle apologized. The white haired man, still confused about what the prank was, took his wallet, and walked over to Ivana/Inoue, Samantha/Syzael, Garry/Grimmjow, and Nicholas/Nnoitora.

"What happened Lios-kun?" Inoue asked. Grimmjow, who had seen the whole thing said, " I think Lios here just got a huge blow delivered to his male ego." Grimmjow, Syzael, and Nnoitora began to crack up, with a heavily blushing Inoue standing there, with strange thoughts in her head. Ulquiorra had unfortunately disappeared.

"Yeah. I'll have one personal pan pizza, a coke, a dr. pepper, and two orders of breadsticks. Thanks." Ulquiorra had walked over to a Pizza Hut, and ordered food. As he got his order, he gave Inoue one of the orders of breaksticks, and motioned for her to sit down at the table he walking over to. _Okay, just this once. For Aizen-sama!_ Ulquiorra thought. The Espada and Inoue watched as Ulquiorra's face twisted and turned. It looked as if he was in immense pain. Then, the 'emotionless' Espada looked down. Inoue, thinking he was dead, took a step back. "Come on over here, Ivana-chan." Ulquiorra was… SMILING?! WTF?! Grimmjow, Nnoitora, and Syzael all fell down, landing on the ground and getting tred on by bywalkers. Inoue, surprised that Ulquiorra showed any emotion, let alone smile, walked over cautiously. Ulquiorra then leaned in close to Inoue's face, still smiling like Gin, except with open eyes. He was now so close that she could feel his breath. Inoue began to feel something she had only felt before when she saw Kurosaki. She began to feel aroused. Then, he whispered to her, "Be convincing. Remember your personality. Remember your role."

_Oh, yeah_. Inouoe sighed in her mind realizing that the emotion was just acting. _At least I can act like he likes me_. _Wait a minute? What am I thinking?! I hate him! He took me away from Rukia, Renji, Rangiku, Toshiro, Ikkaku, Ichigo, Ishida, and everyone else! I hate him, and he hates me!_ Inoue, ever the brilliant actor, took a slice of pizza, and cut it into small pieces.

"Close your eyes, Lios-kun." Inoue told Ulquiorra. Ulquiorra, slightly hesitant at first, did so after thinking it over for a few seconds. "Now, open your mouth." Inoue was still bossing around the Quatra Espada. Ulquiorra was on his last nerve, but obeyed her none the less. The Espada tasted cheese, tomato sauce, and bread.

"Pizza." Ulquiorra stated what it was, curious why Inoue was doing this.

"You're good." Orihime said, surprised he had gotten it right. So, she picked up her own drink, and put the straw in his mouth. After taking a sip and pondering for a moment or two, Ulquiorra guessed.

"Dr. Pepper?" Ulquiorra guessed, hesistant at first, but he became slightly more confident when he thought about it.

"Really good." Inoue said, smiling.

Ulquiorra waited for another piece of food to enter his mouth. Then he tasted something sweet. He could only describe it as delicious. _What is this? It's not coke, not pizza, not a breadstick, and definitely not Dr. Pepper._ Ulquiorra was getting angry. He liked the taste, and wanted to know what it was. He wanted more. _Why? Why can't I tell what this is?! I should be able to tell if it's a food or liqiud! Wait a second. What if it isn't a food or liquid?!_ Slowly, Ulquiorra opened his eyes. He saw what was on his lips, and realized what was going on. _Is she… kissing me? But, why would she do that? Doesn't she hate me? Oh well, if you can't beat em' join em. We are a couple in this world after all._ Ulquiorra began to kiss her back. Nnoitora and Syzael had went to get their luggage, leaving Grimmjow with the two 'lovebirds' alone.

"You two done yet?" Grimmjow asked. He had finished an order of breadsticks, and was now bored with watching Inoue and Ulquiorra have a breath-stealing/kissing contest. Inoue, realizing that Ulquiorra was kissing her back, blushed the deepest shade of red Grimmjow and Ulquiorra had ever seen, while the Quatra Espada didn't care. They were techinically a couple after all.

After a few minutes, Nnoitora and Syzael came back with their luggage. Then, Ulquiorra rented a car, and drove the group around town, trying to find an apartment complex to stay at. When they found one, Ulquiorra stopped, seeing a face he found all too familiar. "Y-y-you?!" Ulquiorra yelped, slightly afraid.

"Albinoman!" Thomas shouted out. "You staying here too?!"

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update. I read a little too much. Please review, or I'll send Thomas to your hometown with Hyourinmaru. Oh, and the main difference between Toshiro and Thomas is their hair, and their attitude. When I made Thomas, I was wondering what would happen if Toshiro went through puberty.


	5. New Neighbors

A/N: I just want to finish this story so I can move on to "The Second Sereitei: Birth of Dante Schiffer". So, I will probably try update at least once a week from now on.

Disclaimer: I don't own bleach. If I did, I would have negotiated to put the Bleach People in SSBB.

New Neighbors

"Albino man!" Thomas shouted out. "You staying here too?!"

"Thommy! Who's that?" Michelle shouted to the long haired child. She walked over, holding onto a small submarine sandwhich. She looked at Ulquiorra puzzled, and then suddenly remembered him. She promptly hit Thomas on the head with her fist.

"Hey, what was that for?!" Thomas shouted to his older sister.

"I'm sorry sir. Has my younger brother been bothering you?" Michelle asked in a sweet tone. "He has a tendency to be very annoying at times. Trust me, I know." This earned her a glare from the white haired youth.

Orihime, not knowing either of their names, nostalgically, whispered, "Rangiku-chan. Toshiro-kun."

"Who are you talking about?" Michelle asked Inoue. "Oh. My apologies. My name is Michelle, and this," motioning toward the long white-haired youth, "is my younger brother, Thomas. You are?" Michelle asked Inoue.

"Oh, my name's Ivana. This is my father, Nicholas, my brother, Garry, and my best friend, Samantha." Inoue said, introducing Syzael, Nnoitora, and Grimmjow.

"And who, may I ask, is the hottie with you guys?" Michelle said flirtatiously, eyeing Ulquiorra.

"He's-" Inoue began, but was cut off by the white skinned prince himself.

"Lios U. Kiora. Pleased to meet you." Ulquiorra said, without too much interest or emotion.

"So, Ivana, is he single? Or am I too late?" Michelle whispered to Inoue. Inoue began to feel something she hadn't in a very long time. She was angry. _Fuck you bitch! Ulquiorra is mine! No one will take him away from me! I own him._ Inoue thought angrily. Though, fortunately for her, her demeanor betray her thoughts.

"Yeah, he's taken. He's **my** boyfriend." Inoue spoke out to Michelle. Michelle turned a bright shade of red, realizing that she had been ogling someone elses man.

"Omg, I'm so sorry! I didn't know, but I shouldn't have looked at him. I'm sooo sorry!" Michelle ranted out to Orihime in apology. Inoue, realizing that Michelle didn't know about their 'relationship', began to get mad at herself. _I don't even really like him. Why the hell did I think those angry thoughts?_ Inoue thought.

"It's okay, Michelle-chan. It's hard to see if two people are in a relationship sometimes." Inoue replied to the redhead. Then, the girls began to talk about feminine stuff, but were interrupted by two thumping sounds. Inoue turned to see Thomas and Ulquiorra stand above Grimmjow and Nnoitora, the first two looked either mad or amused. Grimmjow attempted to stand up after the blow to both his pride and his stomach.

"Don't tempt me to finish the job." Ulquiorra told Grimmjow. _How dare that bastard make fun of me!_ Ulquiorra thought. Then, the Albino Espada turned to Thomas. "Why did you kick Mr. Polyar?" Ulquiorra asked Thomas.

"Because you hit the black-haired guy." Thomas answered simply.

"Lios-kun! Thomas's sister, Michelle, is going to show us around town." Inoue informed the albino man, smiling as she walked over to him.

"Kay. Just tell her that we're gonna go unpack. Oi! Sam! Come over here and give me a hand. Mr. Polyar, Garry, please get up. You weren't hitten too hard." Ulquiorra said to the party. "Ivana-chan, let me carry your luggage. I don't want those beautiful hands of your to get hurt." Ulquiorra told Inoue in a slightly flirtatious tone.

"Hey! Kiora! Get away from my sister!" Grimmjow shouted out at the Ulquiorra. _What the hell is Grimmjow talking about? Wait a minute… Oh Yeah! He's Inoue's 'brother'. And he is the protective sort._ Ulquiorra thought.

"Why? After all, all I'm doing is helping Ivana-chan. And I'm sure that she likes it. Don't you, Ivana?" Ulquiorra said in a superior tone. "It's not like you offered to carry her bags for her." The white skinned man smirked at the now black haired number six espada gave him a furious scowl.

"Yeah whitey? Well she's my sister, and it's my job to protect her as such! So, back off Kiora!" Grimmjow said to Ulquiorra. The two were now having the longest staring contest that any bystander had ever seen. Thomas, ever the brilliant little thirteen year old, took out a piece of paper and a pen, and began to make bets with people.

"Uh… Garry, Lios-kun." Inoue said timidly. The two Espada broke their staring contest to look at the redhaired girl. In the background, Thomas was accepting bills from multiple people. "You two don't have to fight over me. And, by the way, where is Samantha?" Inoue stuttered, obviously afraid that some kind of fight would break out.

"I've been taking all of our stuff up to our room, and beating down Mr. Polyar." Syzael said, appearing from the background, carrying an almost dead Nnoitora. Ulquiorra and Grimmjow jumped back, obviously surprised that Syzael could defeat his superior so easily.

"Since that's all taken care of, Want to come with me and Thomas to Disneyland? We come out here for vacation every year. During the one week we are here, we go to Disneyland for two days, Universal one, Soak City one, Knott's Berry Farm one, Santa Monica Beach one, and the other two days, we stay home. Oh, Inoue what room do you have?" Michelle asked, smiling, obviously wanting to both apologize and make new friends.

"That sounds fun! I'm in room #135." Inoue said to the other redhead.

"Cool, I'm in room #136." Michelle said smiling.

"So, what is 'Disneyland'?" Ulquiorra said, frowning, wondering if he was going to regret this due to lack of prior knowledge.

A/N: Sorry I couldn't update earlier. Review, or Thomas is gonna go to your house next.


	6. BodilyFunctions&NotMorningPeople at 4am

A/N: Sorry it's taking so long, but soon I'll be back on track

A/N: Sorry it's taking so long, but soon I'll be back on track. I figured this would be boring in the Disneyland chapter, so I decided to make it a kind of filler. So on with the (filler) chapter.

Bodily Functions and Not Morning People at 4am

Ulquiorra wasn't a morning person, contrary to popular belief. He looks and acts like a morning person, but isn't one. For example, Ulquiorra doesn't like to get up at seven-o'clock. _So how the hell did the demonic child wake me up at five-o'clock_, Ulquiorra pondered.

"Oi! Albino the Emo! Be ready in a half-hour, or else…" Thomas threatened the melancholic Espada. Ulquiorra silently cursed the white-haired boy as he left the room.

Ulquiorra got completely undressed and stepped into the bathroom. He washed his hair and body in the shower, using cold water in order to wake himself up. Afterward, he brushed his teeth. _How do humans go through such annoying and pointless tasks_, Ulqiorra thought. He then wrapped a towel around his waist and walked into the bedroom. _Inoue should still be asleep, so I should be quiet_, Ulquiorra reasoned in his mind.

"HENTAI!!" Inoue shouted out as she hurled a sharp metal object at Ulquiorra. Ulquiorra narrowly avoided another death by closing the door. A normal person couldn't register what had happened. But, Ulquiorra isn't normal. He had only caught a small glimpse of what she had been doing. Unfortunately, that small glimpse was about all it took for his gigai to react. _Fate loathes me_, Ulquiorra thought as he attempted to calm himself down.

:With Nnoitora:

"My Father Sense is Tingling!" Nnoitora shouted out. He then ran toward the room of Inoue and Ulquiorra.

"Wait, Nnoitora, you don't have a father sense!" Grimmjow shouted out as he followed after his 'father'.

"Well, I'm done getting ready, better see what's going on." Syzael said while in his female gigai. _This ought to be bloody amusing_, Syzael thought while smirking.

"This oughtta be good." Michelle said, smirking while following the gigaied Espada.

:Back to Ulquiorra:

It took all about five minutes, thinking about Nnoitora's erotic gay cake to calm himself down. Afterward he knocked on the bathroom door.

"C-c-come i-i-in." Inoue stuttered. She was shivering. _I wonder if he did see me naked_, Inoue thought. _I wonder if she knows I saw her naked_, Ulqiorra thought.

As Ulquiorra walked out of the bathroom, he was too absorbed in his thoughts to notice a flaring reiatsu running at him. Suddenly, the door was knocked down and poor Ulquiorra was sent flying with the towel he was wearing as his only sense of clothing getting sent flying off. Right in front of Inoue. Her face turned a deeper red than it was at the airport a day or two ago with the kiss incident. Nnoitora was about to say something when he noticed the now nude Quatra Espada. As Grimmjow and Syzael caught up, they saw what happened. The only thoughts running through their minds were, _Damn, he's got that big a package?_ Nnoitora could only stare. Michelle stopped by to ask if everyone was ready. She caught Ulquiorra nude and stared wishing Ulquiorra were her boyfriend. Inoue could only say that Ulquiorra was well endowed.

Once Ulquiorra regained complete control of himself, he realized what happened. Quickly, he put the towel back on and walked over to the door. He then proceeded to slam the door shut.

_Oh. My. God. That had to be at least 10 inches_, Inoue thought with a huge blush covering her face. Ulquiorra noticed and asked her, "What?"

"Nothing, Nothing!" Inoue answered. She then went out the door.

"Humans are strange…" Ulquiorra muttered after she left. He then went out the door, and heard Grimmjow and Syzael snickering. "What is it, trash?" Ulquiorra stated since no humans were around.

"Dude, Ulquiorra, that** big** incident must have been embarrasing." Grimmjow taunted.

"Yes Ulquiorra, a **huge** blow to your pride." Syzael harassed.

"Shut it, trash." Ulquiorra commanded them. _Yeah, I get it, I know_, Ulquiorra thought. _I got kicked in the face by someone a lower rank than myself. Damn Nnoitora._

A/N: Apparently, Ulquiorra needs to learn about humans. To all Ulqui Lovers, myself included, I'm sorry if this offends you. I just wanted to get an update in before my final exams this week. Leave a review, or I'll send a pissed off Ulquiorra to your home.


	7. Onward to Disneyland

A/N: Sorry it's taking me so long, I want this to be the best chapter of the entire story! I will be famous for taking the Espada to Disneyland (Begins ranting about fame, power, money, and manga)

Disclaimer: I own Thomas and Michelle, but not Bleach or Disneyland…

Onward to Disney

"My my my, Lios-san, I've never seen you this worked up before." Syzael said, walking out of her/his room with a well-fitting sweatshirt covering her gigai's chest. Following her were "Nicholas" and "Gary". Ulquiorra was wearing a green t-shirt, with a black jacket, and blue jeans. Gary was wearing a blue t-shirt, with green sweatshorts, and Nicholas was wearing all black, with long sleeves and a jacket. Inoue popped out with Michelle trailing her. Michelle was wearing short shorts, with a tight fitting top that had a Mickey Mouse head on it.

"I-I-Ivana-chan?!" Ulquiorra shouted out at her. His 'girlfriend' was wearing an extremely tight fitting white top with a black Mickey head on the back. She was wearing American Eagle jeans, and was smiling at Ulquiorra seductively.

"What, Lios-kun, like my outfit?" Inoue said, smirking at Ulquiorra's now red face.  
" What are we waiting for?! Onward to Disneyland!" Thomas shouted out to the crew.

After an outrageously short car ride which defied the laws of physics and the absurd ticket wait (The two absolute truths of the universe), the group of Espada and humans stood inside the gates of Disneyland. Syzael, Nnoitora, and Grimmjow all had little kid sparkles in their eyes. So did Inoue, Michelle, and Thomas. Ulquiorra didn't.

"Okay, I say we all get fastpasses for Spacemountain. That one's always crowded." Thomas began to go over their battleplan. "Right now, we'll head to the Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters."

"Lios-kun, I'm scared," Inoue said to Ulquiorra, pleading for reassurance.

"Don't worry Ivana-chan, I'm here." Ulquiorra said simply. They walked through the waiting area, and got into small circular vehicles on a track. After they figured out what to do, they went through the ride and played the game. Afterwards, Grimmjow and Nnoitora compared scores.

"Yo, I got 100,000." Grimmjow declared, excited he got such a big number.

"Too bad, I got 200,000." Nnoitora smirked.

"Pathetic." Ulquiorra stated.

"Yeah, I mean come on, please." Thomas taunted in a sarcastic tone.

"Oh yeah?! What the hell you'd get, huh?!" Grimmjow shouted out accusingly towards the two.

"1,000,000,000." The two smug men/teens replied smirking at their rivals.

Everyone exiting the attraction stared at them for about three minutes.

"What?" Ulquiorra said, confused as to why he was being stared at.

"Let's go." Michelle said, giving up what small hope she had left that her brother was normal.

After the group left through the exit, they headed to Space Mountain. Once they got onto their "spaceship", the unusual set started off on their little journey through the amazing roller coaster, Space Mountain. As the countdown ended the ride began. The sheer speed, the twists and turns, the sudden drops, the sheer adrenaline rushing through his artificial veins genuinly impressed and amazed Ulquiorra. In fact, the best way to sum up his feelings would be a simple sentence. Ulquiorra had **FUN**.

\SOMEWHERE IN HUECO MUNDO/

"Aizen-sama! Yammi just wrote a scientific paper on superstring theory that won a pulitzer prize!"  
"It's the end of the world! Run for your life!"  
"But aren't we dead?"

\BACK TO THE ORIGINAL STORY/

Unfortunately, it was here that Syzael learned a very, very, very important lesson. Motion Sickness was not to be taken lightly.

"I don't think that I should go on anymore rides." Syzael said between pukes.

"I agree." Thomas said as he hid behind Michelle.

"Okay, then can you hold onto our stuff?" Michelle asked.

"Sure -barf- I can." Syzael said.

"Okay my turn to pick a ride." Grimmjow said. "I choose… that big sandy mountain thing."

"You mean Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, right?" Ulquiorra said, remembering Grimmjow's low I.Q. of 134.

"Yeah, that." Grimmjow said. The rest of the group agreed.

"No thank you." Ulquiorra rejected the idea. "Just go on without me."

"Aww, but Lios-kun, why?" Inoue put on the puppy eyes, knowing that Ulquiorra, if he wanted to play his role, couldn't resist.

"No, I'm sorry, but I can't right now. Sorry Ivana-chan. I'm going to keep Samantha here company and get fastpasses for Splash Mountain." Ulquiorra said, keeping his eyes closed in case Inoue tried to put on the puppy dog eyes.

"Fine." Inoue huffed as she followed the rest of the group.

Once they were out of earshot, Ulquiorra spoke.

"Follow me, Syzael." Ulquiorra commanded as he walked over the the part of the park he believed was called Critter Country.

\With the rest of the group/

Inoue realized soon that getting in first was not such a good idea. At every turn, she had Michelle's boobs in her face. At every other turn, her boobs went into Michelle's face. However, Grimmjow was having a great time sitting behind them, as was Nnoitora. Thomas however enjoyed the ride. After all, he had gotten in first, and had a blazing hot babe with a huge chest sit next to him. Once the got off the ride they headed over to the fastpass entrace to Splash Mountain. Afterr a four minute wait, they got in the ride. Unfortunately, they had too many people to go in one canoe. However, in an attempt to perform an actually nice act to get them all toghether, he had offered to share a seat with the last person in their party. What he hadn't realized when he had made the offer to the employee was that the last person in their party was Inoue. And with his malfunctioning gigai groin, he didn't want to give off the wrong impression. As the first drop occurred, Inoue shouted out in glee and raised her arms, which gave him a good enough view of her breasts. _Damn malfunctioning gigai!_ Ulquiorra thought as he felt a suge of heat course through his gigai. He, Grimmjow, and Nnoitora wailed out in horror about one minute later when all of the animatronic animals began singing. As they went up a large motor-powered ramp, which Ulquiorra hypothesized was the large drop he had seen from the front, outside the ride. And as he saw her white t-shirt back, he had a sudden flashback.

\Flashback/

"Aizen-sama, why is it that you chose to bring white fabric with you to make outfits again?" Ulquiorra thought as Gin held him at bladepoint to force the poor fourth Espada to sew the Uniforms.

"Elementary my dear Wats-Ulquiorra. Since there is no water here in Hueco Mundo, I didn't have to worry about if I had a large chested female arrancar getting wet here, besides, I think white is a real turn off, don't you?" Aizen said to Ulquiorra.

_A turn-off?_ Ulquiorra thought, realizing his master was afraid of being called a pervert.

\End Flashback/

_And that is why Halibel wanted a custum made outfit_, Ulquiorra groaned in his head. As he wondered why the author had given him this random flashback at this time, he realized six things. One, while he was viewing the flashback, they had reached the top of the ramp. Two, judging by the party who had originally been in their vehicle, Disney had the water effects for this ride all the way up. Three, white became see-through when wet. Four, he and Inoue were in the front of their vehicle. Five, Inoue was wearing white. Six, he really needed to learn to act instead of think in these kind of situations. As Ulquiorra put two and two toghether, their party was almost finished their descent to the false briar patch. Not to mention into Ulquiorra's personal hell. He made an attempt to cover her shirt with his arms, but at that point, it was much too late. All six of the riders were soaked now. As they listened to Zip-a-dee-do-dah at the end of the ride, Ulquiorra grimaced as he could now see her bra strap. Once they pulled up onto the dock, Ulquiorra grabbed Inoue by the wrist and quickly dragged her through the exit. With his face a shade of red deeper than Inoue's blush in Chapter four, he brought her to a halt in front of the Haunted Mansion.

"Lios, what the hell was that about?!" Inoue shouted at him.

"Ivana-chan, please, don't bring attention to yourself." Ulquiorra pleaded her, while in his head, trying to come up with words that would gently make Inoue realize the situation without bringing much attention to them.

"The Hell I will! Hey world, look at me!" She shouted as she stood up and flailed her arms about absentmindedly, partially due to her developing rebellious side which had been born in Las Noches due to her not wanting to listen to Ulquiorra.

"Just sit down already." Ulquiorra said as he grabbed her by the shoulders and shoved her into a sitting position before anyone around them got a good look at her.

"Why should I?! Huh?!" Inoue fumed toward Ulquiorra. "What the F-ing Hell is so revolting about me, huh?!"

"It's not so much revolting as it is attracting, unfortunately." Ulquiorra said simply. Inoue stared at his face and traced his view to her shirt. "You were wearing white." Ulquiorra humored her.

"…" Inoue turned extremely red, and remained speechless as Grimmjow, Nnoitora, Syzael, Michelle, and Thomas jogged over to them.

"What's with her?" Thomas asked, looking at the gynormously embarressed Inoue. Then, in about 0.012 seconds, realization hit him and all of the other men of the group in the form of a bleeding nose.

"I guess white wasn't such a great idea, huh?" Michelle said.

"Make sure no one else sees her while I'm gone, understood?" Ulquiorra said, mostly to Michelle, rather than any of the men, or in Syzael's case, Lesbian, technically.

After about five minutes, Ulquiorra returned, holding a Disneyland bag that obviously had something in it. He pulled out a black Disneyland sweatshirt, and then spoke to Inoue. "Take it off." Ulquiorra comanded her.

"Hentai!" Inoue and Michelle shouted at the same time. Meanwhile, the mental image of her complying appeared in the rest of both the technical lesbian and men's minds, and they all fell unconcious and were tred on by wheelchairs, strollers, and people.

"I meant in the women's restroom…" Ulquiorra said agitatedly.

"Why don't I just put on the sweatshirt here?" Inoue offered weakly.

"No." Ulquiorra rejected the idea.

As Inoue headed to the restroom, Ulquiorra followed her and told (cough-commanded-cough) her, "I want that wet shirt when you come here, understood?"

"Hai…" Inoue said weakly.

In about five minutes, Inoue walked out in the black sweatshirt that Ulquiorra had bought her, with a dark blush on her face. Ulquiorra put his hand out and took the wet t-shirt from Inoue.

"Samantha's turn to chose a ride." Michelle said.

"I can't go on any of the rides. Motion Sickness, remember?" Syzael replied to her.

"I know a ride she can go on." Thomas said.

"Okay, we'll do the Haunted Mansion." Michelle read her brother's mind and spoke out.

As the group walked into the Haunted Mansion, Inoue clung to Ulquiorra's so tightly that it stopped the blood flow. Since it took about two seconds to go numb, he decided to not say anything. As they went through, they walked into a room that had only four paintings. No windows and no doors. As their 'host' informed them that there were ghosts in the 'mansion' The lights suddenly flickered off and a dead body was shown at the top of the room. This caused Inoue to jump up into Ulquiorra's arm, due to lack of blood in the other. However this did not stop the Espada from displaying his strong yet fragile doll-like finesse with his incredible sense of balance. The park patrons who saw this display couldn't help but applaud it. As he walked with her still shivering in his arms, he began to feel the blood returning to his arms. Then, he held her bridal style, and put her on the ground when he got inside the chariot. Ulquiorra particularly enjoyed the ride. Especially because she didn't realize that her chest was pressed against him. Once they finished, Ulquiorra managed to calm down Inoue.

"Okay, it's Mr. Polyar's turn to chose a ride." Michelle, one of the only mature group members stated.

"What is this one?" Nnoitora asked pointing to a strange attraction that seemed to be a large mountain.

"Matterhorn Bobsleds." Thomas said, reading the map for him.

"Then let's do that." Nnoitora decided rather rashly.

"No way, not me." Thomas said, "I'll wait with Samuel."

"Samantha…" Syzael corrected.

"Yeah, what he said." Thomas said.

"Okay, Thomas. I am a girl, not a guy." Syzael said as they walked away.

Just before the pair was out of earshot Ulquiorra, Michelle, Nnoitora, Grimmjow, and Inoue heard Thomas say, "Okay, a guy, not a girl. Got it."

The group waited in the line, and Nnoitora started an 'intelligent' conversation with Grimmjow.

"See, that's why I like chubby chest girls." Nnoitora informed his 'son' as he closed the discusion.

"Ahhh… I see." Grimmjow said, satisfied with Nnoitora's information.

As they were assigned their seats, Nnoitora was put with a woman who weighed at least two-hundred forty-three pounds.

"Well Tou-san, you got a 'chubby' girl with a chest. Is that really the kind of girl you like?" Grimmjow mocked, as he had Michelle sitting with him.

Ulquiorra got into the back of his and Inoue's seat. As she sat in front of him, he attempted to distance himself from her ever so slightly, afraid she might notice that something was sticking into her back.

"Oi! Ivana, I have a story to tell you about Lios's pet name for you." Grimmjow said, smirking at the thought.

"Pet name?" Michelle asked Grimmjow, curiosity streaking through her mind.

"It's kinda weird, but his reasoning why makes sense." Grimmjow stated intelligently. "His pet name for her is 'woman'." Grimmjow said, smirking at Ulquiorra's horrified look.

"Isn't it because I'm of the female gender?" Inoue said, wondering how there could be a story behind her sex.

"All will be revealed in time." Grimmjow said smirking. He looked back to see Ulquiorra giving him a glare that said _I swear, I am going to f-ing kill you_.

As the ride started, Ulquiorra actually enjoyed the music. The music being the high-pitched screams of Nnoitora, who was sitting behind him. "THE PAIN!" "MAKE IT STOP!" "MOMMY!" "MINI-ME IS DYING!" "HOW MUCH DO YOU WEIGH WOMAN?!" "MY TESTICLES JUST WERE SHOVED BACK INTO MY BODY!" "MY TESTICLES ARE GONNA BE SHOT OUT OF MY MOUTH!" to name a few.

As they got off the ride, the fat woman stood, seeming impatient. As he got out of the bobsled, he handed the woman a set of bills. "Pleasure doing business with you." Ulquiorra said as she walked away.

Needless to say, Nnoitora was fuming at this. "You F-ing paid her to do that." Nnoitora said, his voice still high-pitched due to the ride.

"It was payback for breaking my room door this morning." Ulquiorra gloated simply.

"Okay, we have enough time to hit one ride, before we go to watch the fireworks." Michelle said. "Samantha, you go to Main Street, and get the best seats you can for the fireworks. Make sure no tall people or people with kids get in front of you okay? Only really short midgets."

"His name's Samuel." Thomas in-corrected his sister.

"Oh yeah. I have to tell you the story about why Lios gave you that pet name Ivana." Grimmjow said, savoring the look of pure hate and bloodlust on Ulquiorra's face.

"You've got five minutes, go." Michelle begant to time it.

Grimmjow began whispering in Inoue's ear, smirking because of Ulquiorra's reaction. Inoue turned a deep shade of red as Grimmjow whispered in her ear.

"Time." Michelle stated. As she walked away she shouted out, "Follow me, it's my turn to choose a ride."

Grimmjow was snickering as he stopped whispering in Inoue's ear. Ulquiorra could see the minimally contained laughter in Grimmjow's face. Which Ulquiorra himself would later rearrange to make it as ugly as Nnoitora's drawings.

"Lios-kun?" Inoue asked timidly.

"Yes, Ivana-chan?" Ulquiorra said, swallowing the lump in his throat, already knowing what she would ask.

"Is it really true you call me woman because of the size of my…" Her voice trailed off as she turned too red to finish the sentence.

Ulquiorra just stood there and didn't reply.

The two of them just continued to silently follow their group. Ulquiorra managed to keep silent until he reached the ride and saw Thomas being dragged by Michelle into the line. He looked up and saw the name of the ride was "It's a Small World". He followed the group and got onto the boat that would take them on the ride (to hell). As he heard the accursed music, he saw Thomas screech in horror. Soon following the child were Grimmjow and Nnoitora. Ulquiorra struggled to keep his sanity as they approached Austrailia. Inoue realized this and used it to her advantage. She began to sing along to the famously annoying song. That was the anvil that broke the Hollow's back. Ulquiorra joined the other males in their group in holding his ears and screeching like a banshee. This only encouraged Inoue to sing louder. Seeing what Inoue was doing, Michelle joined in, making it impossible for the men to avoid hearing the accursed song of the devil. As they exited the ride, Inoe and Michelle crakced up at the men's predicament. Grimmjow was now in the fetal position on the ground, Thomas had somehow fainted, Nnoitora was rolling over on his back saying, "No more songs mommy, I'll be good, I swear." However, the thing that cracked Inoue up the most was Ulquiorra. He was standing so still one would think he was dead if they couldn't see his left eye twitch, his legs shivering, and his agape mouth. It was an important moment for Inoue. It was the first time anything had every made the fourth Espada lose his composure.

As they headed towards Main Street, they saw Syzael had gotten them some of the best seats. Ulquiorra sat down next to Inoue, while Grimmjow sat down next to Michelle. Then as the fireworks started, Ulquiorra genuinely enjoyed them. All of a sudden, he felt a sudden weight on his shoulder, and turned to see Inoue resting her head on his shoulder. Ulquiorra then genuinely smiled for the first time.

\HUECO MUNDO/

"Aizen-sama, Stark woke up at six a.m."

"It's a sign of the apocolypse!!"

"What's so weird for a guy to wake up early every once in a million years."

\Back to the original story/

As the finale began, as if by instinct, Ulquiorra turned his head and kissed Inoue. Suddenly, a bright flash blinded Ulquiorra for a moment. He saw Syzael snickering while holding a disposible camera. Ulquiorra didn't care about that right now. He once again turned his head to the Goddess whose head was on his shoulder, and whispered the three words that would change his life forever.

"I love you." Ulquiorra said to Inoue. That was when he noticed she had fallen asleep during the fireworks.

"We're leaving." Ulquiorra told the rest of the group, carrying the sleeping Inoue in his arms. Reluctantly, the rest of the group followed him.

As they reached their car, Ulquiorra carefully set down Inoue in the chair behind him, next to Syzael.

After a small while, everyone but Ulquiorra and Michelle had all fallen asleep.

"Why?" Michelle said, not even looking at Ulquiorra.

"Could you clarify?" Ulquiorra said simply.

"Why not just let Ivana-chan wear the sweat shirt over her regular shirt?" Michelle asked seriously. "She could have gotten sick, not wearing enough clothing.

"I asked the clerk which sweatshirt was the warmest, and he gave me that one." Ulquiorra stated. "Besides, the t-shirt was the wettest thing, so wearing it would have gotten the sweatshirt wetter and colder that it was when she took off the t-shirt." Ulquiorra finished this sentence matter-of-factly.

"You really do love her don't you?" Michelle asked, before falling asleep in the chair.

"I wouldn't know." Ulquiorra whispered to himself. "I don't know what it feels like."

A/N: So, I finally finished this after over three hours straight of work, not to mention three other days I worked on this. God! It's finally over! PARTY! (Gives all readers a slice of delicious cake)

After all that hard work I put into this, you readers had better leave a review, or else, not even Inoue's power of rejection can bring you back! (Demonstrates with a punch)  
OH NO, MY COMPUTER SCREEN!!


	8. Rain Check in 108 degree Weather?

A/N: Ironically, I feel like celebrating the end of the horrendouly long (13 pages, my new record) Disneyland chapter with an unrestricted update. How ironic, I finish a chapter, and to celebrate I make a new chapter.

Ulquiorra: Just start the chapter already.

C.Ulquiorra: I own nothing…

I'll have to take a Rain Check… in 108 degree Weather

The group of Espada and humans decided to stall the second Disneyland trip, to stay at their rooms and play around with the equiptment. Currently, Ulquiorra was using a "gaming console" called a "Wii". It was simple enough, you move, and the console responds. However, the game he was playing was incredibly annoying. It was called "My Sims", and Ulquiorra was resisting the urge to break the disk. Almost. A snap was heard and Ulquiorra walked into the kitchen area.

"So, Orihime, what's for breakfeast?" Ulquiorra asked.

"Who's Orihime?" Inoue asked defensively. "My name's Ivana, Lios-kun."

Ulquiorra stared at her antics and sighed. "Orihime, no one else is in this room, so no one else can hear us talking." Ulquiorra explained.

"Security cameras?" Inoue questioned the albino Espada.

"Rewired them." Ulquiorra said as he took a small drink from the cup which Inoue had left on the counter. Suddenly, Ulquiorra jerked and spit out the drink, if you could call it that. "What is that?!" Ulquiorra shouted out at Orihime.

"Just milk." Orihime replied simply. "With cinammin, hot sauce, crushed up wasabi bits, salt, and melted down almond hershey bars, why do you ask?" _Yup, she's oblivious_, Ulquiorra thought as he looked at her. He sighed and walked over toward a closet marked "Twister".

As he walked away, and picked up a PS3 controller and looked at the games Aizen had bought them. He looked at the cover of one titled Assasin's Creed, shrugged, and popped it into the console. Ulquiorra was unstoppable, he had nearly completed half the game in about forty minutes. While the game was on expert. Ulquiorra felt remarkably similar to his character, Altair. They were curious, lethat, sometimes questioned their leader's motives and paid for it, and the both ended up doing all the work with no physical help from other members of their group.

Ulquiorra then placed the controller down and walked toward the kitchen area. He saw Orihime smiling as she set down seven places at the table. _Please, please, please lord, don't tell me…_ Ulquiorra quickly trailed off from this thought. He heard a knocking sound, and his worst nightmare came to life.

"We have company Lios-kun. Can you get the door?" Orihime said.

Grudgingly, Ulquiorra opened the door and let the rest of their ragtag party in. Grimmjow, Nnoitora, Syzael, and Thomas then all trampled over him and headed toward the living room area to play games. In particular, Super Smash Brothers Brawl. Michelle gave Ulquiorra a hand up, and walked into the kitchen to help Inoue with the cooking.

Ulquiorra sighed as he walked over to a human communication operating module processing unit touring entertainment regulation, or computer for short. He looked up a search online to amuse himself. He typed in his arrancar name. However, instead of amusing him, he chose to go to the first choice, which gave him a wary feeling. What he would see would disturb him beyond his wildest imagination. . He clicked on the first choice of story category "Anime/Manga" and saw a sub-category called Bleach. See how he thought it was about cleaning supplies, he clicked on it.

"Ivana-chan, could you come over here?" Ulquiorra asked weakly.

"Sure Lios-kun." Inoue came in, and looked over Ulquiorra's shoulder.

For one time in their exsistence, their thoughts were the same. _What the hell is wrong with these people?!_

After resolving to burn the computer, he walked over to Thomas and said "Get off the game brat."

"What?" Thomas said dryly. "Why should I?"

"I'm bigger than you." Ulquiorra used the universal logic of dominance.

Thomas, looking up and down, then paused for a moment, and seemed to be considering. That is, until he delivered a swift kick to Ulquiorra's groin, causing him to fall to his knees in pain.

"Now I'm bigger." Thomas said smugly.

"Come on in." Orihime shouted out. Then all the males/syzael went into the kitchen area. Except for Ulquiorra.

"Already ate." Ulquiorra said.

"Okay, more for me then." Orihime said, smiling and beaming at the food.

_Three… Two… One... Now._ Ulquiorra had timed exactly when all the men would rush into the nearest restroom. Ulquiorra then called Orihime and Michelle out into the living room area.

"Lios-kun, have you ever played Twister." Orihime asked, a mischievious look in her eye.

"No…" Ulquiorra said.

"Then let's play." Orihime said. "Michelle, can you do the spinning for us?"

"Sure." Michelle said.

Nnoitora then walked out and snickered. "So, Lios, you playing kama sutra for kids?" Nnoitora joked, snickering.

After ten minutes, Ulquiorra's groin was poking into Orihime's back, Orihime's hair was in Ulquiorra's eyes, somehow, Orihime had gotten her chest into Ulquiorra's face, and Ulquiorra's arm had somehow managed to reach aroud Orihime's back, through her legs, and reached a blue dot. Unfortunately, this is where fate is cruel. Thomas shouted out, "Gumdrops!" and, as the younger boy thought, Ulquiorra lost his balance out of surprise. The result? Ulquiorra attemting resist suffocation, Inoue having something big between her legs, and Grimmjow feeling up Michelle, for some unknown reason.

Orihime blushed and stood up. Ulquiorra did the same, before being dragged off by Grimmjow into another room.

"Grimmjow, what do you want?" Ulquiorra asked.

"I thought that before I'd ever have to do this, I'd have to die at the hands of a pervert, but… I need girl advice!" Grimmjow said. "I want you to teach me how to woo Michelle. Please?"

"No." Ulquiorra said.

"I'm begging here, come on." Grimmjow said. "If you don't, I'll play twister with Orihime." Ulquiorra's eyes widened at that thought.

"…Fine" Ulquiorra submitted. "Lessons start on Monday, got it?"

"Yes, thank you thank you thank you." Grimmjow said, smiling.

Ulquiorra walked back into the room and saw Orihime, in the kitchen with… "Mr. Polyar?!" Ulquiorra shouted out, almost shouting out Nnoitora's name.

"Lios-kun, you'll never believe it, but my _dad_ can bake." Orihime informed Ulquiorra.

"Oi! Pretty boy!" Nnoitora shouted. "Get a movie from the downstairs rental."

"What was that?" Ulquiorra said as he cracked his knuckles ominously.

"Please, go down a get a movie." Orihime begged with puppy dog eyes.

"Fine." Ulquiorra went down, and returned in five minutes with six movies.

"What did you get?" Grimmjow asked.

"I thought I was getting a trilogy, but apparently, there are six movies in this series." Ulquiorra said.  
"You brought popcorn, right?" Thomas asked.

"About 10 bags" Ulquiorra stated.

"It's done!" Nnoitora walked out of the kitchen with a cake that had a picture of Ulquiorra and Orihime in only a pair of boxers for Ulquiorra, and Orihime was only in ligerie that even Ulquiorra couldn't deny was seductive. On the top of the cake were the words "Lay… Her… Already." Ulquiorra looked at the pervert Espada disgustedly, but nevertheless took out a knife and cut the cake. He cut everyone one equal piece, and in about four minutes, that cake was finished. Then, the party popped the first episode into the DVD Player. They were awed, surprised, amazed, and freaked out when they learned that Luke had made out with his sister. However, Ulquiorra looked up online to find an activity to do. He had found out about Cirque de Soleil, and an interesting idea suddenly popped in his head as he mouthed the words "Cirque du Crainte"

Next time: The horror, the vileness, the blood and bodies. Welcome to Cirque du Crainte

A/N: I'm gonna enjoy the next chapter, after all, I get to put all my characters into a cirque. This oughtta be good.

Please leave a review okay,


	9. Cirque de la Crainte

A/N: Sorry for the wait, my life's been depressing and hectic. I've injured my knee really bad, my father's been pretty sick, my love life's going nowhere right now, and my first final's in high school. *sigh*

Grimmjow: *poke* Oi! Ulquiorra, he's not responding

Ulquiorra: So?

Grimmjow: You've gotta do the… you know

Ulquiorra: *sigh* we do not own any of the characters other than Thomas and Michelle, and own only the plot

Cirque de la Crainte

Ulquiorra smirked as he took out his cell phone and began to leave the room.

"Hey, albino man, where you going?" Thomas shouted to Ulquiorra.

Ulquiorra smirked and answered, "Just making a phone call to my office workers."

Grimmjow, Syzael, and Nnoitora all suddenly stiffened. "Who are you calling again?" Grimmjow asked, fear in his voice.

"My office workers, of course." Ulquiorra smirked, and for some reason, it was creeping the hell out of everyone except Thomas.

"Dad, could you pass me a cup of coffee?" Grimmjow said to Nnoitora, who complied with the sixth espada's request, although most of the coffee was spilled by the shaking Nnoitora.

"You work at an office, Lios?" Thomas asked, glaring at him.

"Why, of course." Ulquiorra gave him a pleasant smile.

Grimmjow, Nnoitora, and Syzael all began to shake uncontrollably. Syzael went into the kitchen and began to make massive amounts of coffee, as if his life depended on it. He walked back in with three massive coffee mugs.

----Five Hours Later----

All of the espada and humans, other than Orihime were asleep. Ulquiorra walked out of the door with a smirk on his face. Orihime found herself drifting slowly off to sleep.

Orihime woke up with Ichigo laying down in her bed with her. Face reder than should be possible, she jumped up, got dressed and ran out the door.

On her way to school, she ran into Rukia, whom she talked with for a small while. Rukia stopped and asked Orihime, "By the way, have you seen Ichigo?"

Orihime, stunned, answered after a moment "Nope, sorry."

"Uso."

"Rukia-chan? What do you mean lies?"

" Hime-chan, nande uso, skuno kana?"

"Rukia, why are you accusing me of lying?"

"Well, who did you go over with during spring break?"

"What do you mean Rukia-chan? And where were you and Rangiku-chan last night? I was worried." _Koara-kun…_

"Sorry Hime-chan, just like how you have your little secrets to keep, we have ours."

Orihime froze up as she looked into Rukia's catlike eyes. Wait a minute, catlike eyes?!

The school day went by without any unusual occurences, but Orihime couldn't get that image of Rukia with catlike eyes out of her head. She also swore that she saw Ichigo glare at her with similar eyes.

At her house, both Ichigo and Rukia were waiting for her. Ichigo had a metal baseball bat in his hands, and Rukia had a briefcase.

"Rukia-chan? Kurosaki-kun?"

"How could you seduce me, Orihime?!"

"I told Ichigo everything. Don't bother trying to lie."

"Why are you taking a needle out of that briefcase, Rukia-chan?"

_Hehehehe…_

"Rukia-chan?"

_Crash! Tap-tap-tap-tap. Skidd. Grab. Tap-tap-tap. Schluck! Wham! Wham! Wham! Silence… Drip._

"Nande?"

"…"

"…"

"Why? Why did I have to do this?"

_Tap-tap-tap-tap. Skidd. Tap-tap-tap-tap. Skidd. Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding. Briingg. Briingg._

"Hello?"  
"Rangiku-chan?"

"Orihime? Why are you calling me?"

"I did something horrible to Kurosaki-kun and Rukia-chan."

"What are you talking about?"

"I..._sob_… I killed Kurosaki-kun."

"What?! What are you doing now?!"

"…"

"Orihime?"

_Scratch-scritch-scratch_.

"Orihime? You're not clawing out your throat, are you?"

Orihime awoke with a start, Ulquiorra shaking her violently, Grimmjow, Syzael, and Nnoitora behind him. Tears were flowing down her face uncontrolled.

"U-Ulquiorra-san?" Orihime whispered. Ulquiorra pulled her in close and silently spoke.

"Thank god." Orihime hugged Ulquiora back.

"Explain. Now." Grimmjow said.

"I… I get it alright." Ulquiorra said. "Come on out Himitsu."

A blue-haired, large-bosomed arrancar came out of the wall. Her mask covered one of her eyes, and her hair was messy and long. "Understood, Ulquiorra-kun." Orihime then decided that this woman must die.

---One Talk Later---

"So, this woman is Ulquiorra's fraccion?"

"Yes, Orihime-sama."

"And her resurreccion allows her to cause nightmares?"

"Yes, Orihime-sama."

"And she infiltrated my and everyone elses' dreams to play pranks on us?"

"Yes, Orihime-sama."

"Get rid of her."

"But, Orihime-sama."

"Now!"

"Ulquiorra-kun…"

"Please leave, Himitsu."

"… Yes, Ulquiorra-kun."

"Bye-bye!"

_You are dead Ulquiorra, you baka!_

"Ulquiorra-san, you're going shopping with me as payback alright?"

"Yes."

_Ulquiorra, I'll make you suffer!!_

"Hahahahaha…"

A/N: Sorry if it lacks humor, but I've really been diving into other anime lately, so I had to do this Higurashi-type parody.

Ulquiorra: He's alive again.

?: I want in now.

Are you sure its alright if I do this? I mean, ILMB will be pretty mad about it…

?: Do it, I must drive Ulquiorra to the point of Insanity!

Ulquiorra: You aren't seriously wanting to let him in this, are you?

Hehehehehe


	10. Awkward Moments A New set of Characters

A/N: BIENVENUE!!! It's been forever since I updated, hasn't it?! For those of you who are actually sticking with me this far out, thank you kindly! Now, Chapter 10!!

The War against Disney, Part II

Ulquiorra decided to wake himself up this time, as to avoid torture at the hands of the white-haired devil. He once again got ready, bringing a change of clothes into the bathroom this time. As he left the apartment, he saw Thomas standing outside of the room, giving a small smile.

"So, Ivana awake yet?" Thomas asked timidly, with his small smile twitching.

"No. And I don't see why it's any of your concern." Ulquiorra monotonously replied. He looked over Thomas again. The boy looked like he had seen a ghost. Thomas looked over his shoulder and his eyes opened wide.

"HIDE ME!!" Thomas jumped into the open doorway of Ulquiorra's room, before the espada could react. A young girl with a small pair of breasts, a green sailor uniform, a beautiful red pendant, ebony eyes, and long black hair that reached all the way across her back walked by, accompanied by a tall, tan-skinned woman with pink hair, wearing a maid uniform and carrying what could only be described as an enormous camping backpack. Ulquiorra stared at the pair until they were out of sight. "Is she gone?" Thomas interrupted Ulquiorra's train of thought.

"Who?" Ulquiorra questioned the boy.

"Shana! The girl with black hair!" Thomas shouted out. Ulquiorra could tell he was upset about something.

"You like her?" Ulquiorra asked.

"NO!! SHE WANTS TO KILL ME!!!" Thomas yelled out, and covered his mouth.

_This is going to be a looong day..._ Ulquiorra thought to himself.

Four Hours Later

"I'm sorry, I have something to deal with." Michelle apologized continuously.

"It's not a problem." Inoue continued forgiving her.

Ulquiorra, Inoue, Michelle, and Thomas were at Disneyland, and it seemed Thomas had become paranoid. Michelle was going to stay with Thomas to try to calm him down, but to no present avail.

"You two just have fun on your date, okay?" Michelle said as she gave Ulquiorra a wink.

"A-a-a d-d-d-date?!!" Inoue shouted out embarrassedly.

"Let's go, Ivana." Ulquiorra took Inoue's hand and walked her out of sight. He then turned around and had a serious look on his face for a few moments. _Something isn't right…_

"Ulquiorra-kun?" Inoue looked at him with worry written all over her face.

"It's nothing, let's go on a few rides." Ulquiorra took her to Tomorrowland, and they rode Space Mountain, then headed toward Main Street, when Ulquiorra saw a large red dome near Frontier Land. He looked at it curiously, until Inoue touched his back.

"Ulquiorra?" He turned around, and saw her worried face. "Are you alright?"

Ulquiorra turned around, and the dome was gone. Ulquiorra then took Inoue's hand, and brought her on Splash Mountain, although it was a sixty-minute wait time. This time, Ulquiorra forced Inoue to wear a poncho, to avoid another… mishap.

It was around noon, when Ulquiorra saw something again. The same maid from that morning, looking for something. Inoue was getting the lunch, so Ulquiorra got up and walked over to the maid.

"Who are you?" Ulquiorra demanded answers, and wasn't going to leave until he had them.

"That is of no importance to you." The maid said in a similar monotone. _Useless garbage._ Ulquiorra's eyes opened widely as he heard the second sentence.

"Who here is trash?" Ulquiorra pulled off angry and scary without a hitch, the woman was extremely surprised at his rage.

"You… heard?" The maid managed to make out.

"Of course I heard it. You said it openly." Ulquiorra himself was quizzical at the situation himself.

The maid pondered a moment, then turned to him and said, "Wilhelmina Carmell."

Ulquiorra simply blinked at this statement.

"My name." She said simply, before she left.

"Ulquiorra!!" the espada turned around and saw Orihime with their food. They sat and ate for a moment, Ulquiorra noting all suspicious characters as they passed by. After lunch, Ulquiorra made a quick list of them.

_The maid, the school uniform girl, an orange-haired girl in a beret with a group of people, a pink-haired girl with horns, a very young "sister" with a high-school boy, a school-boy with an eyepatch with two senpai females, a same-age female, and a younger-female… _Ulquiorra decided to stop the list there.

Ulquiorra saw Inoue with a small frown on her face now, and realized he had been ignoring her. He suddenly felt a pain in his chest. He grabbed his chest, and walked off to the nearest bathroom. Inoue saw him rushing out, and followed him out of line, calling his name all the while.

_Damn it… Damn it, why does it hurt?!_ Ulquiorra's pain was nearly unbearable, and after he left the bathroom, he saw Inoue, and the pain calmed a bit. She just stared at him, then began walking away. Ulquiorra stood there, questioning the pain he felt while staring at her. When she was out of sight, Ulquiorra realized it, and used his "cell phone" to try contacting her, although it didn't work. Ulquiorra ran all over the park, and simply waited in front of the giant castle, feeling the pain in his chest growing.

"Hey, sexy lady, how about you come with me for a good time?" Ulquiorra ignored the trash, trying to focus on finding Inoue's reiatsu.

"Um, no thank you, I'm looking for someone right now…" Ulquiorra perked up, recognizing the voice as… Inoue's?! Ulquiorra looked and surely enough, a bunch of men were cornering Orihime. Ulquiorra now felt a whole new form of rage.

"Come on babe, forget this guy what's his face and have some fun." The leader said simply. He felt someone grab his collar, and turned. "Hey buddy, what's the big-"

The poor human was flung about twenty feet backwards.

"Do you wish to incur my wrath even more, scum?" Ulquiorra was pissed. Not Grimmjow or Nnoitora pissed, but totally, completely pissed. The men quickly scattered, afraid of the weak looking man.

After making sure no one else was looking, Ulquiorra picked-up Orihime bridal-style, and then made a skillful jump onto the roof of the castle. He managed to land on the balcony, and then jumped again, landing on top of the room. They were invisible to all the people in the park, and the fireworks were starting. They sat together, hand-in-hand, Ulquiorra never taking his eyes off of Orihime. Then during the fireworks finale, Ulquiorra gave in to instinct. Using his hand to gently turn Orihime's face towards him, he leaned in and kissed her. Orihime, realizing what Ulquiorra was doing, instinctively pushed him away. She didn't say a word. She didn't know what to say. Ulquiorra was the same. They left the park and met up with Thomas and Michelle at the hotel. After dressing in their pajamas, Inoue went to sleep while Ulquiorra simply sat on the balcony ledge. Then, without warning, the pink-haired, horned girl form earlier appeared, landing on the balcony without warning. Ulquiorra couldn't breathe, and realized he was caught in a neck hold of some kind. Then, everything went black as a snapping sound came from the espada's neck.

A/N: Sorry Friend, I'm afraid you didn't make it this chapter.

?: NO!!!

Ulquiorra: x_x

Should we take him to a hospital or what?


End file.
